Tuesday, January 1, 2008

Shopping for Indifference

It wasn't long before the reading of Julia's dad's will. Dressed in black, from forehead to chin, she stepped out of the car that brought her to the big building. The glass windows that she walked past reflected her image back to her as she strode across the big, marbled lobby of UNC Corporations. The receptionist got up to greet her, but with a simple wave of her hand she sat him back down. Walking past the sitting area, decorated with lush paintings and lit up in a warm glow, she reached the elevators. Her thin hand slid across the smooth wall to touch the button that instantly lit up to a gushing yellow. A small sigh escaped her throat as she stood and waited, her face blank and stolid, her insides in a frenzy of anguish. She stepped into the elevator as it arrived and disappeared behind the golden metallic doors, to reappear on the topmost 45th floor. The journey she had taken every Fridays after school seemed to somehow be more prolonged this time. Today, on the day he no longer existed, she finally entered the one room that was forbidden to her for as long as she could remember. The large table didn't seem that special anymore as she sat on side of the head of the table.
"Good evening. You must be Julia, Mr. Watters' daughter."
She turned around in a rush to see a man with his arm outstretched.
"Matthew Stevens, lawyer." He said, as she shooks hands with him.
And so it began, a mere half hour to summarise the division of an entire lifetime's worth.
Within a moment, the company was hers; 26 with a multinational responsibility, all for nothing, all undeserving. She was expecting a lot, but so much?
As soon as the hearing was over, with no one else in the room but her, the sole heir, she gathered everything she got with her, along with a neat, hand-typed letter from her father, and left the room in a blend of veiled emotions. Her face remained as before, black and stolid, but her insides now in a rage. She offered no words of farewell to the lawyer and left in silence.
The silence lasted long. Longer than she would have thought. She didn't know why she cared so much. Her thoughts wandered in the empty spaces. He must've done it so I could feel guilty, guilty about never looking back. And now that he's left it all for me...he thinks he's done his duty. I won't suffer for it! I won't take the company.
The chauffeur driven car left her at her 2 bedroom apartment. She fumbled for her keys as the letter from her father fell out of her bag onto the rained-down floor. She stared at it for a few moments, the black letters on the envelope staring back at her, challenging her. She recovered from her thoughts and entered the apartment, closed the door behind her and just stood there. Everything seemed slow motion.
Brandy. She needed brandy. She went across to her living room and poured herself a drink and lay down across the cushioned sofa...
The little girl came running across the playground, running with a huge grinning smile on her face. She stumbled along into the arms of the tall man, in a well tailored black suit. He picked her up and they started to walk across to a black limousine. The girl seemed happy, excited, cheerful and completely unaware of anything but this man, the one person that made her the happiest in the world. He was all she cared about. She tugged on his arm and pulled him away from the car and towards the playground. "Pleaaaaase?" He followed her as she ran across to the swings in the far corner of the playground and sat on one of them, smiling broadly. He started to give her a light tap on her back. She moved forward. Soon she was soaring through the air, higher and higher, faster and faster, happier and happier. And then everything went from white to red to a pitch black.
Light came gushing into her eyes, but not as soon as the tears, which came faster and in a surging bellow. Drop by drop, she shielded her eyes from the light. It was tough, trying to show indifference when you care so much more. She knew now that it was time to let go.
The fire needed more fuel. She went across to the storage and fed it some more. The wet parchment with black, typed writing was wedged in between the brown wood. She watched, again in silence, as the flames took over from there, dancing in shadows across her face, replacing her tears with a lighter feeling - redemption.

4 comments:

Unknown said...

I've read this one for the fourth time now, but it still confounds me.

I mean, the emotional journey is nicely put (though could have been done more strongly). But it leaves me hanging around, is it a prequel of some sorts?

Anka Wisha said...

Nope, no prequel. The story's hidden in the subtleties. She just let go, and it felt damn good, that's all.

Unknown said...

Hmmm
Well dunno why, It felt a bit unrealistic to me. Like she was planning to do it all along.

I mean, as a reader I'd definitely like to know something about the "never looking back" thing.

Anka Wisha said...

I'm not sure what you mean when you say "planning to do it all along".
Ah, the ambiguity..only to not take away focus from her turmoil.