Papa May 9th, 2021

 I used to have

A way with words 

But over the years

Of pestilence 

I seem to be lost, at sea. 

I used to have 

A spring in my step..

But over the years 

Of despondence 

I seem to have lost, me.

Where can I find 

The light at bay,

The one that I'd 

Turn to guide me?

And where can I find

The strength inside

To keep going on,

Stop looking that far behind me?

Stop looking - stop looking,

There's only one way to go now,

But that's not true, is it?

No turning - no turning,

Guns blazing ahead now,

But that's not whole, is it?

A piece of me,

It might be past.

But all my words,

Just stay attached - to you.

The mirror I hold,

A half of me, of gold,

Linked in as I look around - for you. 

But finding you

No matter what I do...

Is physically impossible.

The only way,

I can make you stay...

Is looking back hopeful. 

The strength I find,

To move on,

Comes from the past

I hold on.

You're the guiding light I have to find,

The strength within I look for,

And I can only go on knowing you'd want it this way...

And with that thought...

I make you stay.

Navigating Away

Cast, reel, caught,
Falling into this safety net.
She wanted -
Cushion, inspire, uplift.
But instead,
Comfort, stay, stagnate.

The strings tugged hard,
Holding on, against the current,
Of natural flows
And rush of spirit.

A fight, a flood -
But a strong held block,
Dams of steel, heart,
And stubborn rocks.

An attempt at salvage,
Nets patched up,
Strung together,
With words..only words..

If there was more..
In safety she'd stay.
Breaking out,
Swimming with the current.
Directionless but not,
Now, just navigating..
Away.

Healing

One step fore,

Two steps back..

Tumbling reversal,

I fade to black.

A tide turned wave,

This towering life,

What was once still,

Turns tsunami inside..

That stillness, serenity

I yearn for it

It's time, unshaken

Could I turn for it?

Tracing steps,

Introspect,

Filling my footprints,

As memory permits.

And then I see,

It finally dawns,

What was then seen calm

Was before the storm.

And then I gush,

In delight, I rush.

My head it says,

Right now's a phase.

Like calm like storm,
Before peace is felt,

There will always be pain.

Drizzled in Seasons

Icy cold,

Cold as snow

Trickling flurries

Fall below.

Lightly on

Each branch of tree,

Piling up

Mercilessly.

Can you feel

Feel the cold?

Hold your warmth,

Hold your soul.

There is no cold,

There is no fire,

Just the Earth -

In white attire.

Seasons change,

Slow day by day,

Soon bloom fades

The white away,

For without our ups and downs,

And without such turnabouts,

Life gets dreary, pace unfound.

Seasons, cycles,

These ups and downs -

Well darling, that's what makes life fun.

Faulty Stars

Time, time..

Precious time.

Coming in,

To say goodbye.

Keep your hand,

Rested in mine

As silk to sand,

Pours away time.

Make do with this

Make more of this,

So let go of time,

Let go this time.

By each pour down

The stars might falter,

By counting down

Our fates will alter..

So hold on tight

Hold steady your head

On my shoulder

And choose More

Instead.

Dispersion

Through every cloud,
A sliver climbs,
A rain drop here,
To lead to shine.
Through every tear,
A lightness will rise,
A sorrow there,
Turning divine.
And passing through,
Merging as one,
Through lonely skies,
Here comes the sun.

Flares Set

Dreams reflect
In lightening bolts
Burn so bright
You feel the warmth.
Soft skin,
Heart within,
Narrow spaces
Passions in.
And then burst out
The atmosphere,
Scattered through
Soft brown hair.
Skies ablaze
Orange gold,
Surging out
From shackled holds.
Clouded days makes
Freedom ring,
So passion soars
With unclipped wings.

Cords

Over the waters, seven fold expanses,
Moonlit strings tie us two together.
Whenever you tug, I will be there,
Ends apart, but forever around, I swear.

You may not see my face everyday,
My voice might not ring through your ears,
But darling, my love for you knows no boundaries.
Beyond eyes, beyond ears, through liquid smiles, through lopsided tears.

In my head you lay intertwined,
In my thoughts your consistency thrives,
In my visions of you, I see how you see me,
In my everyday is yours, as much as can be.

These strings may seem light, but like diamonds
Their strength will know but no measure.
Whenever you tug, my darling,
I will be there for you, my real treasure.

The way you were there for me all through
My life's entirety, nine months more.
My darling, my creator, my everything,
How can my heart, to you, not sing?

How can I not think back to your selflessness,
How can I not think back to all you have done?
How can my life have any purpose,
Without this orbit, my earth to your sun?

So over these moonlit strings between us,
And over these seven seas,
I send you my love with such intensity,
That with every tug, back to you,
With every untouched, every unseen,
I know you feel my love for you,
I know, in me,
That you feel.

Breaches of time

Distant spaces

Fall behind,

Foreground forgotten

Presence in time.

What lies in front

Might be in bloom,

What lies behind

Is behind you.

Unless - what you believe is past

Is really the future,

Your destined cast.

For sometimes - things you leave behind,

Catch up to you

In breaches of time.

Whisps

The final thread,

It pulls, it pulls.

Like glue instead,

So empty, so full,

The length might grow,

The distance expand,

The thread gets thin,

In both our hands.

It's thin,

So thin,

Barely visible.

Microscopic almost,

Within,

Within.

It's gone,

It's gone,

Out of sight.

But life's like that,

You know..

Not always seen,

Just felt as whisps,

Inside,

Inside.

Un-pre-dict-ability

Why let yourself be
Seasonal?
Why sink into
Routine?
The un-pre-dict-ability
Is where life lives
Unseen.
The mystery of not knowing next,
The rush of destiny,
To feel like molecules,
Stumbling,
Can offer what you need.
The weather comes,
The weather.
The un-pre-dict-ability.
This weather comes,
This weather,
It should take over me.

Who Decides

I went to a party. Fancy. Everyone looked shiny, embellished in sparkle.

I came home. There was the mirror. The frame, a vicious circle.

I go to Google. The unavoidable power of technology. Resist all you want, there is no running away.

I type in "Red carpet looks and styles". Enter. The pull of wanting to become someone. Someone else for today.

I hit "images". I want information now. And I can have it quick. Read? Why bother.

I see a flood of images appear. A lot to take in, but my eyes light up. Of course this isn't a hidden smother!

I stare, I browse. So many looks, what should I pick? The choices are here, which one should I be?

I finally pick. I saw it in Vogue magazine. It has a lot of likes. Will it make people like me?

I adorn. I can become this. Watch me evolve. I can be anyone I want to be.

I reflect, I realize, I save, myself. Even if I can be anyone I want to be, what matters is who I choose to be.

Me.

The Place

Eventually when you reach a place,

Where judgements all but seem to fade,

Where what another says to you,

Doesn't change what you think you can do,

As in this place ego is at bay,

For demons come but shouldn't stay,

Distractions can surround oneself,

From finding what you're really meant,

A truth that scriptures write about,

The one that's lost until it's found,

Towards this search you'll make your way,

The place where night falls into day.

And in this place you will find your peace,

Come now..you have you to meet.

Soar

Flying soars

Winds that rush

Past be gone

Now is hush.

Silence speaks

Louder noise

Here is now

In your voice.

Freedom calls

Can you hear?

In yourself

You disappear.

Wayward

Find me an offbeat path,

In a hidden nook,

A wayward cranny,

Curious to take a look.

Somewhere to make my way,

Each step closer to discover.

That path I'll take each day,

This wanderer turned lover.

There is no wrong turn,

Just journey.

Each moment unfurls

New beauty.

That path to make my way,

That path I'll take each day.

Permanence

The words heard

From else's mouths

Might soothe your pains

In the moment.

The actions seen

On others behalf

Will numb your pains

For a while.

What is outside 

Will always be

A mere distraction

To your own.

For outside words

And outside actions

Hold only as much permanence 

As those words heard

And those actions seen

Within ones own inside. 

Your Truest

Find the youest in you

As it's the truest of true

And let go only when

You temporarily bend,

But never forget the you of you

And make sure that all you do

Comes back in good

The way it should,

To make things better

Towards more together

Between the youest of you

Where lies the truest in true.

Perplexities

Negatively positive.
Positively negative.
Perplexedly poetic.
Dilemnatically damned.
We land.

Retrospectively forward.
Futuristically backward.
Hexagonally twofaced.
Dimensionally damned.
We planned.

Delusionally despondent.
Spuriously expectant.
Paradoxically simultaneous.
Conjunctionally damned.
We stand.

Droplets Down

Droplets down -

They hit the ground

In Splashes.

The meaning of

Each droplet 

Is not the mess it made

On the ground,

The meaning of

Each droplet

Is where it came from,

where it was first found.

That trickle of water

Can be of sweat,

That trickle of water

Can be a tear,

And while they both

Make floors wet

One comes from power

And one from fear.

Flakes

Feelings like flakes

Of snow covering 

lands of thought

pouring through winter winds

Brushing past blushed cheeks

Simmering over every top

Thickening to feet of snow

Layer by layer

Fall some more.

A peek of sunshine

Comes out today

And easy as was

The flakes melt away.

This winter could have 

Been forever,

But flakes they always fade away.

When feelings can

Be solid as ice,

Then thought too

Is our demise.

Silence For Deaf

A riddle a day,

I've heard them say,

Keeps insanity at bay,

To lead logic's way.

A lipless kiss,

A moonlit tryst,

All but aimless..

So riddle me this:

What is

more tragic?

Silence, where all is withheld?

Or deaf ears, where none is heard?

Neither, said his moonlit lips,

The truest of tragedy, my midnight tryst,

is silence that falls on deaf ears.

Be Gone

And the angel she flies,
From above.
Her wings, the caress,
Feathers of serenity.
Rise up, child,
Come above.
This pain is not yours.
Let go,
Move on.

Ease your burden,
Go on then,
Offload.

And the angel she flies,
To the sky.
Her wings, the caress,
Feathers of serenity.
A remainder of light,
It stays.
This wisdom is yours.
Ego,
Be gone.

Commodities of Choice

Power to the People,
The voices can be heard,
the unheard now make sounds,
till through grapevines,
deaf ears melt away.

Your options have dispersed.
they are scattered among
the ashes of millions.
What is one in a mere infinity?

The alternatives,
you thought,
were reliable have withered,
unfolded amongst the colours.
A scale of colours
was always more appealing
than a monochromatic,
binary of choice.

Was that demise?
Or is this?

If you are here,
you must hear.
you must listen.
you - are the product,
and you will be sold.

Latches

Your journey is winding,

Your chaos is binding.

Tumbling across life,

While it happens to you.

Tossing through the ships,

Waves of circumstances,

Pounding past starboard.

Sharpening your edges,

Dangerous and safe.

Eventually, you have moulded,

But what you can't let go of,

What stays through your labyrinths,

The perceived good, bad, ugly,

That latches to your soul,

Is your crux.

Accept your crux,

And chaos falls away for peace.

Now

Free falling into oneness with the earth,

Legs tangled and minds in search,

Flitting thoughts raptured by script,

Time flew by while green felt like this.

Emergence to acceptance,

Where is your hand?

Ghost like memories, enveloped in sand.

One shot down, one more comes.

It is what it is. Be happy in now.

Immersion

Take a moment,

To get lost in yourself,

Immersion.

Tag along,

With your thoughts,

Race with your mind,

In this be lost.

Reach for what's beyond,

The further you go,

The further you reach,

The further you find,

You.

Eloping With Time

When things happen fast,

Slow down, take a pause.

Let go of auto drive,

It was you, unthinking, not you.

These walking soldiers?

They will march on.

That clock besides you?

It will flicker by.

Give space, make way,

All movement beware.

Statued remain.

There is beauty in this time,

Where everything stops.

The rush, the storm -

All gone.

It's time to elope,

With time.

Wither

Running out of fairy dust,

Losing inner shine,

Trying to make ends meet,

But strands and strings

Of empty things,

Will never intertwine.

If everything you relied on,

Came right from within,

Then what can be done when endless supplies

Start to wear thin?

Where do you go when there is no destination,

what do you do without standing still?

Aimless wanders,

Bouncing off corners,

Turns life's journey in.

The voice inside is softer,

Can you hear me anymore?

No, just silence,

And slow churns

Of fairy dust and sunshine

wearing thin.

Eulogy

Boundless with time,

These feelings of mine..

I've got twenty in the bag,

And there's no turning back.

Where does it go?

Nobody knows.

And there's no turning back.

Break out the shell,

So no one can tell,

When you turn your back,

That there's no turning back.

Where does it go?

Nobody knows.

And there's no turning back.

And so as time flies us by,

Maybe we can survive,

And try to let go of gone,

What's easier said then done..

And so,

Where does it go?

Nobody really every knows.

And there's no turning back.

Rest

As I lay back,

Head rested,

Body limp,

It is dark outside and in.

Sleep flutters,

Playing games with my lashes.

A soft dream beckons,

Delve into me.

Close your blinds gently,

I loosen my grip.

The world can wait,

As you and I regenerate.

Wielding Words

Word by word it rises up,
Word by word it all builds up,
A word, just words, is not enough.

And unlike how it all rose up,
Unlike how it all built up,
Word by word is not how,
The mountain of piled up words give up.

A flash, one tremor,
Is all enough,
To make this mountain,
Crumble to dust.

Nameless

5/2/2012

So I haven't written in a while,
Especially not a poetic verse.
Cuz lately I have no muse to feel for,
So this might sound a bit rehearsed.

And I'm writing this no matter how it sounds,
Cuz to me it sounds a bit insane.
There's so much that I feel inside
Things that sometimes I can't contain.

The distance might drag us down,
But with it comes anticipation too,
In the hope that when I see your face,
You'll feel for me just the way I have come to.

Each moment that we've spent together,
Has been etched into my best memories forever,

And with all that's been said and done,
Come rain or shine or a million suns,

Those memories are irreplaceable and so are you,
So - here's to you.

You Shine

5/2/2012

A glimpse fluttering through the cracks,
Not concrete but there,
Lingering.
It grows and grows,
Over powering, a rush.
A feeling explicit,
Not subtle anymore.
A burst of flames,
Volcanic.
Erupts.
And spills, overflowing,
Like a swelling of the heart.
Not red, not blush, not maroon enough -
Just a flash of intensity,
From your soul, to mine.

To me,
You shine.

It Can't Be That Simple

You can hold as tight
as you want,
you can fight back
against life forces.

Nature, Gravity, Time..

Like falling water
slipping through your fingers..

there's no holding life back.

You can fight against nature,
fight against gravity,
fight against Time..

or let destiny soothe you,
while you revel
in the tranquility of the drops
that were not yours to hold,
but can always be yours to cherish.

The Falling

Over and over again
the recurring rain it falls
and soon the noise
drowns out all emotion.

Defiant me, I sit..
Confused, and stubborn,
a fallen warrior.

The rain can see you,
she stands by your window panes,
crying out to you.

Come bathe in her,
come be her sun,
come bring the rainbow.
Familiar words.

Defiance is me,
Why should I?

Maybe because in times of past,
when your sky held clouds so grey,
she held on to make you last,
As the silver lining of your day.

As she falls the last few times,
maybe not all is lost,
but every fallen warrior knows,
Falling apart is easy,

Whats not is letting go.

As She Dreams

The dreams that she
would always see
about the we
that we could be,

have fallen down
against the frowns
and upside downs
of smiles we owned.

The dreams that she
would always believe
about the he
that he could be,

have crumbled slow
not knowing how
the high and low
could reach such lows.

Someday perhaps,
we will come back
to be the we
we never could be.

Eyes of Hope

"Fear is only in the eyes
of those that do not see hope."

But when the ones who see hope,
are let down - once,
twice, maybe some more,
the bitter space
that it leaves,
the void of faith
that it creates,
leaves an insentience
deep.
It plagues the mind,
it takes over sleep.
It makes each eye tear,
and each soul weep.

Hope would stay,
but instead comes fear.
And who is to blame,
but who hope revered?

Wildfire

Dreams run wild,
Here - anything can happen.
Empty sketches with endless ink,
Ink that flows
Life through my veins.
Reaching out to the world,
Or beyond worlds.
Pink oceans,
Lime skies,
But they will always have stars -
Shining multi-colored beads of hope.
As eyes open shut,
You realise - 
the place where you find you,
Is where thoughts flow free.

A little of a lot

9/11/2009:

My words are getting smaller,
It seems there's lesser to say.
Each time the tide sets in,
It's here not too long,
Because the moon turns quick,
And faltering, I stop.
I do not pause, I do not break,
It's not a question of time.
The way I thought has come to end..
Now, it's just short versions,
As the head spins too fast,
When too much said, leads to too much felt.

Lingering Hope

7/11/2009:

Even when the clouds go away,
Even when the storm has cleared,
And even though your name for me,
Might as well have disappeared,
There's always something..
Something left shining through.
A mist from the rains that stopped,
A chill from the winds that left,
A sense that maybe you're still there,
Cuz love was all I had to give.

Dim

9/10/2009:

Unattended, unimportant..
She lies.
Waiting to be found,
By the love that lost her somehow.
She cries.
Clutching for the surface,
Breathlessly rescued,
Too much, too late..
She dies.

Hurdles

8/10/2009:

Standing against the tide,
Raining down on me,
I stand alone.
My stance was weak,
But flowing through miracles,
It turned upright.
As the tide grew harsher,
And it rained cannonballs,
That lonely soul,
Almost at surrender,
Standing at the edge of decayed hope,
Just became stronger.

Dust off my writing page

8/10/2009:

Words flow like memories bygone,
Whirling in churns of magnificence.
On this sheet they assemble,
Facing the world - unshielded and naked.
Bits and pieces that collate,
Falling into place,
Finishing amongst themselves..
Till all that's even left,
Is the dust off my writing page.

Hope

4/10/2009:

We're just drops in the ocean,
Treating our waves as whirlpools,
Seeing our ripples as larger than life.
But take a look around,
And you'll find for yourself
A life so much larger,
And so much laden,
That the whirlpools could shy away.
What truly matters though,
Is that the suns on those oceans,
Will never stop rising.

S&F

Stumble and fall, I can't have it all,
Maybe tomorrow, just not today,
You could've come with the wind & carried me away.
Faltering over me, just so you'd see,
I could've been, so much more for you,
But when we've been through so much, it's hard to see through.
Stumble and fall, I'd heard your call,
But it wasn't strong, not enough,
You could've, should've, come & picked me up,
To fix the pieces of me you'd left.

Breathing Petal Dust

The lightening struck those who prayed,

For endless love, not fadeaways.

The shock hits hard, and carries on,

A twitching body, a soulless heart.

Till it withers to nothing but dust,

Pick it up,

Gather it,

Treasure it,

Let it rust.

The carcass lies windless and still,

Dead petals crouching about.

But then,

A hand moves steadily in,

Clutching the rusted petal dust.

To never let go, to give a breath,

My hand should stay there for love.

Raining Life

Dated: 9th July 2009, 2:41 AM

It rained across the window panes,

A few drops, each second,

And a million then.

From these many that splattered on,

Two drops stood out,

One common ground.

They trickled in lines that scarred the pane,

Heading down, yet together,

Heading to one another.

And the moment much awaited struck,

When the two, slowly,

Created one.

It lasted for moments too short,

But seemed like days,

And years had passed.

And just like the two trickles formed one,

They parted their ways,

As quickly broken as begun.

Only one looked back, yet carried along,

Memories of tears and laughter found.

The Endless Bridge

To be myself with you as I see,
Feels free, wholesome.
You make me, me.
There you go,
Running through my mind,
In a gush of wind so strong.
Empowering that you are,
You control me,
In a way I adore.
Do so, but gently, please,
For the frailness of a heart,
Plagues into the mind,
And can ruin the bridges,
That take so much to build.

I do love you.
This hurts more than you can imagine.
This distance, this gap, but yet there's something.
Something so strong, so epic,
That keeps me holding on.
Just four letters, then, three words.
They are enough.

Apologise

It's not too late,
For the spring to fade,
For the sun to set,
For the river to flood,
For the wind to gush,
For the trees to split,
For the mountains to shake,
For the flowers to wilt,
For the leaves to brown,
For the forests to disappear,
For the clouds to melt.
It's never too late,
For the Gods to kill,
And for man to give up.

Art

Belief in the admirer,
Crushes to stone,
As he looks upon the painting.
This is his silence,
Withheld surrender,
Rapid words that crush.
The moment stands still,
The words will run out,
But the belief - it stays.
If they gash through the canvas,
Then who is to blame?
He who demolished,
Or she - who became?

The Calling

Falling hard to hit the ground,
And then it shakes to never be found,
Going down to nothing at all,
Reaching low towards its call,
Out of nothing comes the numb,
And then it collapses, all at once.

Someone once told me, you can't have everything.
They couldn't either.

Fissure

The water is rising above the seams,
A trickle leaks over transparency,
Right off the limits that hold it back,
Past the confinements,
Breaking through boundaries.
It falls over and leaves a mark,
Permanent,
Irreversible,
Unchanging.
The mark already formed,
The deed done,
So what is there to hold back for?
The trickle unminded,
The crack unfixed,
Turning waves into rising tides,
Agonies of water,
Washing over,
Leaving nothing,
Not even the mark.

You & Me

You are my perfection,
Not just an image.
You run through me like a silken fold,
Knitted in pleats into my skin,
Racing through my heart.
Its shelves hold your presence,
Each one heavy with your weight in gold.
Just lie there, softly,
Tender yet bold.
Stay there, for me,
Corner my soul.
Move, yet don't,
Each shudder is mine.
And just like that,
In a way unknown,
With each breath, each beat,
You make me alive.

And then there was a Pitchfork..

Cages of velvet with shackles of silk,
Words passing by filled with scorn to the hilt,
Hitting rock bottom on unstable grounds,
Fighting for choices and yet to be found.
Ropes for support turned to angry chains,
Gentle guidance lost in whips and canes,
Reasons that argue for better for worse,
Reasons, limitations, spitting a curse.
Looming above, forceful and firm,
Coaxing with curses, filthy and stern,
Clashing and clanging, from one to the next,
Eroded and rusty, no choice left, perplexed.
Tonguing and screaming, uneared through and through,
Shrieking for purpose, for what is believed 'true',
Fighting for right, fighting for sin,
Pushing right back, from without, from within.
Gold and futures, all in white sacks,
Smeared with ashes along stubborn tracks,
To learn is easy if given the right try,
And so shedding two tears, hearing these cries,
Only to see who has to give in,
Only to know what's given in print:
Such ships with stiff anchors rarely will sink,
Until you fill them with hate, right to the brink.

Run away

It's a step away, just a step,
Standing on the edge, the edge of what feels like forever,
Looking at those eyes, so close, so distant.
A flicker, a flash..and your world could fall apart,
Would you take the chance?
Would you hold your hand out and risk the fall?
Behind you lies the distance, the distance your heart traveled,
The distance you never thought you'd go,
The length of which you would never travel,
But you did.
Just this once, you took that chance,
And this is what it comes down to - the plunge.
Those eyes, those daggers you fear, those chains that hold you there,
They ignite the light in you, they gave you the strength to get by the distance,
They were the reason you would have, you should have, turned away,
And the reason you didn't.
Looking up, you measure the depth of the fall into those eyes,
And you take the step into forever,
To be scarred. Forever.

Walk on fire

It's funny how humans try and find temporary happiness, ephemeral solace in so many things - art, love, leisure, music - anything to keep the days passing by. It's only some of us who seek and understand true beauty - true beauty in the form of something everlasting, something eternal, unaffected and untouched by time, something that stays with us for as long as we live, and beyond our own lives. Beauty is not confined to an object, to a solid form that rests in front of our eyes, absorbing and reflecting light to form the three dimensions that we live in. It is a feeling that goes beyond our dimensions, it is the thought that lingers into the fourth. It is not the look of a fair maiden but the look of a lover that sets his eyes upon her, that makes her beauty true and wholesome. It is not the glow of your skin but the scars on your palms that are etched into forever, that reform your pains which stay even after you are long gone. It is not the love you feel for someone when they reach their hand out to you, it is the divine feeling of being able to hold their hand forever, even after your hand is no more.
Anything that goes beyond time, that flows alongside the rivers of eternity, has true beauty. Anything that time can touch yet not effect..is true beauty, is true immorality, and it is for those feelings, those sensations that we should live, not for the petty joys of a material world, but the transcendence of a world where clocks would tick, but in the fade away of the background.

You don't always have to be strong

Hold me, so I can cry a million tears in your arms.
Quickly, before the moment goes away,
Before I let it pass me by,
Before it spins away in the distance,
Before reality knocks on the windows of my life
And I realise that it's just a dream,
That your arms are never there,
That with this break of dawn,
The sun's the only warmth I'll ever have.
So just hold me,
In this moment.
Please don't let it pass me by..

Dedication

Sometimes someone walks into your life,
By chance, as fate would have it be.
Of all the people walking by,
Just one entangles with your destiny.

As stars that shine the velvet night skies,
As sand grains on the palm beach shores,
As death and birth we all go through,
As water droplets line our ocean floors,

I know you'll be right by my side,
For as long as you don't let me go.
I can count on you for anything,
It's your words that make me so sure.

And now I come to these last words,
None of which can hold what you mean to me,
So never change, always be bold,
Always be exactly what you want to be,

Because the world's measure is not what counts,
It's the people in your heart that make you stand,
The ones who don't judge what you do or say,
The ones who'll just always be there to hold your hand.

Tears of steel

It stems from the inside and seeps through my soul,
It leaves me with these tears, these tears that I hold,
Deep in my heart, never let out,
Deep in these walls, never reaching my mouth.
To think we were close, to think I even tried,
To think because of you, a little part of me died.
And then you throw those words, like arrows to my heart,
It hits hard right there, piercing through, leaving scars.
But maybe I should step back, as I just always do,
Maybe I should give up trying, give up on you,
Because I don't see your warmth, I feel a cold, cold stare.
I laid myself out for you, how can you tell me it's unfair?

Unjudged Acceptance

There was an ocean, forms of blue merged as one,
It sunk deep into hearts like a blade, sometimes like a stone,
Leaving scars aplenty, it scorched each surface it touched,
But for one.
It's power, unfathomable, reaching beyond mortal,
Into the charms of time and intertwined with light,
Spreading its tentacles, breaching all limits,
But for one.
For each ray of life it takes, leading down in endless paths,
Circles of hope and fires of savior beneath lay crushed,
Leaving only ruins of cause, ending in destruction of all,
But for one.
Where the fear of the impossible was engulfed,
Where the unfathomable was unchallenged and free to run,
Where the heart of a spirit accepted this power,
The one, untouched, stayed lingering, into the times to come.

It's in you.

Everyone, regardless of how saintly their intentions be, finds reason to blame another. The best of us do it lesser, but the average man throws fault at everyone around them. Why did things go wrong? Where did it fall apart? Who did this to me? It's always someone else. Something happens, and there we go, hunting like scavengers for the reason, why did this happen to me? We follow our footsteps into the past until we find someone else's intertwined in ours, that led us to the path we are on. Those footsteps are the culprits. Yours were led onto the path you tread on right now, it was all because of those footsteps that you went off course. And crashed.
Few of us take a turn from our self-absorbed thoughts and realise that everything that happens, everthing, is self-determined. You are the one that controls your destiny. You are the cause for your pain, for your sorrow. You make yourself happy, you bring to your feet the ghost of contempt. If something went wrong, the footsteps of the past do nothing but give you something to shield yourself from your demons, your vices. It is this mask that endangers you, it's this curtain of oblivion that gives you happiness of the worst kind, happiness that is temporary, happiness that you yourself eventually will lose. Nothing can save you but yourself. You are your own god.

Monastery

There you sit, your throne of thorns,
Watching, observing, pick and choose,
Sitting, unmoving, trying to win.
Unsettled, restless, you leave me.
Purposeless, or maybe just self-content,
Nothing obtained, nothing undone.
Your faces they turn, intense,
Each face a new thorn,
Pricking and prodding,
Etching its lines, on my hands.
On these hands that are perfection,
These hands that bear your whips.
Pretending that you hold a wand,
On that very throne, you stay,
Your scepter will soon lose its charm,
As I turn and walk away.

Staring at the sun

Undefined, is what it feels.
Inversions within.
The ice breaks water,
Tricklings of water,
Downpours heavily.
Hearts turn blue,
When the pour, such pour,
Gives shine to another.
Clouds now, covert rays,
Trying to pierce through,
Blocked by sight,
Stopped at sight.
Standing in the center,
Green everywhere,
Falling drops,
Just gushes here,
More clouds, covert rays,
Protecting eyes from suicide.

Confined No End

The touch of inifinity
As it crawls through time.
Absorbed explosions in a moment.
To the left lay shattered bits,
Old and worn out, yet wise,
To the right, the anewed,
Revived and alive, new born.
While the inifinite pierces on,
The borderlines lay still,
Arched through finite spaces,
Creating our forevers.
On those fences stay our worlds,
Perched on the brinks,
Balancing along,
Till with our last breaths,
We fall.

Don't hold on

Your footsteps, they echo,
As you turn and walk away.
You leave me blue, black somewhere.
A tangled coil chokes on,
Flipping, moving, shaking.
A silhoutte is all I see of you,
Turning into a dot, carved deep in my eyes.
Straining for more than pinpoint,
Yearning for more than what is.
I trace the outlines of silent memories,
Remove your sight from my brown eyes.
There are no words to say,
As I pour down your cheek,
Dripping to the floor in bits of chains.

Implicit

Wake up to sweet surrender,
When the earth blooms around us,
It's heaven with melting flowers,
And candles that corner the red.
A singular crash of two, a flicker,
Perfection inscribed on its palms.
Spirits of fall illuminate the sun,
With rays that pour through the window.
Velvet, pearls, all embossed,
None compare to this spring,
None compare to your warm arms,
Nor to this sweet surrender.

How to live

Forgive the sins, for they are your burdens if not,
Blame no one, for else they will be your pain,
Do all as said, for soon it will come back to you,
Live as a whole, as said, as done, as will.
Speak aloud, for your voice loses otherwise,
Make some peace, for war is all harm,
Hear yourself, for then you hear others,
Feel some pain, for it helps to learn.
Follow these, and you will know,
What you, and your own footprints hold.
Then maybe you will know how to live,
Never through else, but yourself.

On chains

Those words linger around for long,
For long enough as memory stays.
Try to forget what happened,
Try to remove the blame.
There is no turning around,
No going back to the start,
So now we have lives of yellow-black,
Under the moonlight of grey.
Our freedom is written on these chains,
Clamped tight, unmoved.
They make the fight harder,
They make you know real pain.
In the end, it is to know,
What is freedom if there are no chains?

Silken bits

I cannot face you,
You mean too much.
But if I do, I know,
How a mirror cracks to a million pieces,
This loose thread,
With which we hang,
Like a noose, will break.
And so I turn away to the trivials,
Making the noose tighter,
Making our noose thinner,
Just to shy away from you.
But the truth, what is the truth?
I lie to myself about you,
I lie to myself about me.
Somewhere I know,
I cannot face me.

Losing me

Sometimes it's easier to drown,
Letting the tide in, leaving the last breath.
Neck deep, and I still can't breathe.
I needed more time, just time,
And compassion, I needed.
I see myself,
Blinded by my perception.
Confounded! It is all in me.
Apologies do nothing now.
No tears come, they're tired of me too.

This labyrinth

Leave me alone,
as I weep in silence,
as I weep inside.
Lost in a web, the one I made.
The twists, each familiar, each known,
Leading me to places unfathomed.
I come here for gratification,
I want to leave it behind,
But it follows.
Like a shadow, it stays,
Like a scent, it lingers.
Winding turns, each going nowhere,
Only white, only ice.
I will stay here for long,
Till I carve a path,
The one with lights.
I pull you in too,
And then I stay longer,
To protect you I stay,
I hurt much longer.
Leave me to myself,
as I weep in silence.
Rush to me and save me,
And you meet this trap,
Rush and save me,
And you will see my labyrinth.

Onward

It's the time for tomorrow,
The tomorrow of change,
Wet eyes with coaxing gazes,
Bleeding words and angry faces.
Not again, it's soon to go.
Get up, you. March. Move.
Lend a hand, show some grace,
Get up, you. March. Move.
Soon there will be silence,
No speaking till you listen,
Listen to the silence,
As it tells you what to do.
My voice will play then,
In your head.
Get up, you. March. Move.
Oh, it's not the echoes,
It is not your conscience,
It is my voice. Her voice. Our voice.
In combined force, in togetherness.
We who own nothing,
We who eat what you choose,
We whose misery serves your diamonds,
We who stay out of your lives,
We will scream into your head,
Get up, you and make a move.

Where clichés were once original

Hear me, I scream,
Only echoes now.
Silences that whisper back to you,
Drowning noise never hurt that much.
They whisper back through you,
from within you, to you.
Voices are lost, words forgotten too,
Cobwebs were thought to be old,
But here, in the attics of time,
New dust form layers all over again.
The old renews, more history to everything,
A timeless wait, or a timeless finish?
In each, every voice is eventually lost,
Lost to the place where clichés were once original.

Invisible

I cannot see you,
Even though you stand before me.
I cannot feel you,
Even though your presence is beside me.
I cannot touch you,
Even though you stand by me.
I cannot reach you,
Even though your company surrounds me.
I will not seek you out,
For that's all we're worth now.

Undying sunset

There is war,
There is temptation,
There is greed,
There is corruption,
There is hate,
There is madness,
There is emptiness and sadness.
I see loss,
I see poverty,
I see hunger, desire and cruelty.
I see pain,
I see fire,
I see suffering in silence.
No more awareness,
No more kindness,
Just sparks of light ignited,
Only lost to all the darkness.
We are the killers,
We are to blame.
We try to stop it,
But it's all in vain.
No more sun,
No more shine,
Only nothing left inside.

It's always in the pieces.

And brick by brick I build this wall,
Brick by brick it grows.
Rising higher, reaching up..
Till I reach it no more.
There is no wind here,
There is no light,
Just leftover dust from days passed by.
I sit inside in silence and wait,
Wait till the day comes,
When brick by brick this wall comes down,
Brick by brick I am found.

Shopping for Indifference

It wasn't long before the reading of Julia's dad's will. Dressed in black, from forehead to chin, she stepped out of the car that brought her to the big building. The glass windows that she walked past reflected her image back to her as she strode across the big, marbled lobby of UNC Corporations. The receptionist got up to greet her, but with a simple wave of her hand she sat him back down. Walking past the sitting area, decorated with lush paintings and lit up in a warm glow, she reached the elevators. Her thin hand slid across the smooth wall to touch the button that instantly lit up to a gushing yellow. A small sigh escaped her throat as she stood and waited, her face blank and stolid, her insides in a frenzy of anguish. She stepped into the elevator as it arrived and disappeared behind the golden metallic doors, to reappear on the topmost 45th floor. The journey she had taken every Fridays after school seemed to somehow be more prolonged this time. Today, on the day he no longer existed, she finally entered the one room that was forbidden to her for as long as she could remember. The large table didn't seem that special anymore as she sat on side of the head of the table.
"Good evening. You must be Julia, Mr. Watters' daughter."
She turned around in a rush to see a man with his arm outstretched.
"Matthew Stevens, lawyer." He said, as she shooks hands with him.
And so it began, a mere half hour to summarise the division of an entire lifetime's worth.
Within a moment, the company was hers; 26 with a multinational responsibility, all for nothing, all undeserving. She was expecting a lot, but so much?
As soon as the hearing was over, with no one else in the room but her, the sole heir, she gathered everything she got with her, along with a neat, hand-typed letter from her father, and left the room in a blend of veiled emotions. Her face remained as before, black and stolid, but her insides now in a rage. She offered no words of farewell to the lawyer and left in silence.
The silence lasted long. Longer than she would have thought. She didn't know why she cared so much. Her thoughts wandered in the empty spaces. He must've done it so I could feel guilty, guilty about never looking back. And now that he's left it all for me...he thinks he's done his duty. I won't suffer for it! I won't take the company.
The chauffeur driven car left her at her 2 bedroom apartment. She fumbled for her keys as the letter from her father fell out of her bag onto the rained-down floor. She stared at it for a few moments, the black letters on the envelope staring back at her, challenging her. She recovered from her thoughts and entered the apartment, closed the door behind her and just stood there. Everything seemed slow motion.
Brandy. She needed brandy. She went across to her living room and poured herself a drink and lay down across the cushioned sofa...
The little girl came running across the playground, running with a huge grinning smile on her face. She stumbled along into the arms of the tall man, in a well tailored black suit. He picked her up and they started to walk across to a black limousine. The girl seemed happy, excited, cheerful and completely unaware of anything but this man, the one person that made her the happiest in the world. He was all she cared about. She tugged on his arm and pulled him away from the car and towards the playground. "Pleaaaaase?" He followed her as she ran across to the swings in the far corner of the playground and sat on one of them, smiling broadly. He started to give her a light tap on her back. She moved forward. Soon she was soaring through the air, higher and higher, faster and faster, happier and happier. And then everything went from white to red to a pitch black.
Light came gushing into her eyes, but not as soon as the tears, which came faster and in a surging bellow. Drop by drop, she shielded her eyes from the light. It was tough, trying to show indifference when you care so much more. She knew now that it was time to let go.
The fire needed more fuel. She went across to the storage and fed it some more. The wet parchment with black, typed writing was wedged in between the brown wood. She watched, again in silence, as the flames took over from there, dancing in shadows across her face, replacing her tears with a lighter feeling - redemption.

"Diamonds look horrible with mink scarves" they said.

Another year, another series of months, strings of days...chained together with one motto - survival. The world's not easy, nobody said it ever was. Competition, striving for more, money, power; it's all a part of our daily life, engraved into every nook and corner of this place we call Earth. Cities bustling and pouring with rapid energy, villages teeming with people trying to make something of themselves. Movement everywhere. And those that don't catch onto the fast pace get left behind to nothingness, maybe because they didn't succeed the way they were expected to, maybe because they didn't fulfill their goals, or maybe just because they didn't have goals to begin with.
For a life like that, it's not about now, it's about then, it's all about collecting and preserving for now, working hard for now, so that the later can be enjoyed to the fullest. Maybe it makes sense in some unearthly way, but why not enjoy the now and the then? Why not indulge in what exists in each second of time?
So in between the chaotic lifestyle of mankind, in the midst of this buzzing stampede we call life, I lay back and enjoy the moment as it exists, each one as it comes, each with its own savor, never once repenting, for in each of those moments I found life, true life.

When footprints lose identity..

She didn't know what she was doing there, it was late and her heart yearned for home, for shelter, for arms of a lover, for anything that gave her comfort in this world, yet she stayed. She walked along the dark shoreline. Barefoot, step by step she moved on. She could see the crooked rocks in the distance, a safe distance. Watching the lashing waves in the gleam of the moonshine, she questioned herself, Why is it so hard?
He watched her from behind the trees as she stood on the beach, her hair whirring in the wind, her body in tune with the waves. She glittered like a diamond among ash, her hair like drops of sunshine, her skin glowing in ripeness. He wanted to run to her and reach out, say something, say anything to make her feel better. But he didn't. Standing there, only watching, unable to move, he questioned himself, Why is it so hard?
She felt his presence, but shrugged it off. He was the last thing she wanted, she never wanted to see him again, she hated him, despised him...didn't she? Drowning under the burdens, she started to run. Ignoring the shells and stones clawing against her feet, she continued to run and that's when the tears started to flow. And they didn't stop.
I have to do something. I can't watch her like this. But no, he couldn't go, and he didn't. He ran through the trees to keep up with her when she suddenly tripped. Her body collapsed and folded towards the sandy floor. She lay there, shaking in a sob of tears.
The clouds kept playing with the moon, the night owl swooped in content and the lighthouse flashed its intermittent warmth, all in the darkness of the night.
He watched in shock as she climbed the very rocks she feared. And then he ran, ran towards her, faster with every breath, trying to reach her before..
The rocks were all she had now. She went higher and higher. The tears streamed down and fell to the blackness of the jagged floor, beads of sorrow lost in the darkness. Her feet were bleeding, a crimson trail followed her path. She reached the top, only flinted boulders and raging waters below. She gave it one last thought, Goodbye, and jumped.
He reached just in time to watch her let go. No! He fell in shock, on his knees, on the border where her footprints turned to blood.

I am..

I am fire, burning through the sentiments that dwell in your heart.
I am ash, remainder of your thoughts, filtered out of your anger.
I am water, escaping through the narrow slits in your shallow, closed mind.
I am dust, small and fine, incomparable, but in strong number.
I am wind, raging, fleeting through the openness of your soul and trying to convince you.
I am rust, breaking slowly, scratch by scratch, withering in this storm.
I am earth, strong and undefeated yet firm and stubborn.
I am human, I err, turn back and fight again.
I am God, I decide my fate.
I am.

To feel and to know

We all started off as animals of instinct. We felt, expressed, shared and took in. Then came thought, raging through feelings, crushing and overpowering some, and amplifying some. Practicality and common sense. Evolving to be who we are now, and starting off from where we were. Was it all for the better? Moving forward could in the end be just a step backward, towards the roots of our origins, yet we don't stop moving towards the forward we believe in, the forward that we think is right.

When are we the most at peace with ourselves? Is the root of peace happiness? Or is it indifference? Thought brings out that difference in each and everyone of us. Where oblivion is bliss, the mind is at peace. Where curiousity quenched is happiness, another mind is at peace. If there was no thought and only action, peace would co-exist with, more so be a solid part, of life.

Thought is the menace, thought leads to annihilation of the mind, thought is the mind.
Thought is beauty, appreciation. Thought is art, thought is preservation.
Thought instigates greed. Thought makes the powerful hungrier and the poor more helpless.
Thought makes us share, thought makes us care.
Thought helps war, thought causes crime, thought is evil.
Thought made me write this, thought is this.
So if we didn't think, would the world be a better place?